I can't imagine what that feels like, on the edge of both worlds..wanting to hold on and wanting to let go all the same. I would selfishly like to think that they would choose to come back to this world and be with me, but who am I to decide that?
I have experianced death: first hand. It stinks (for lack of a better word). To know that you may never, even in eternity (or whatever after life you believe in), see that person again is an awful feeling. You spend your whole life getting to know these people and in a flash, they leave you.
I am 19. I will play the brat and say that I should not have had to go through what I have gone through. I am 19. My life should not have to be this way. I should be able to go run off to college, and not worry about money and mortality, I should just be able to focus on school and having fun. I should have both of my parents standing strong fighting for me, by my side.
Shoulda, Woulda, Coulda....
I believe and know that I am allowed to be selfish in this one aspect of my life.
This whole concept of death hits close to home today...my grandmother passed away early this morning. She was a beautiful person who spread her love to all those around her; she will be missed. We can only find peace in the fact that she left this world peacefully, surrounded by people that loved her into a world that we do not know of yet.
How do I exsist in a world in a world that you do not? I am still trying to figure this one out.
I hope you all (Daddy, Uncle Mike, Grandpa Ray and Grandma Nancy) are up in heaven, holding hands, watching over us; together.
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