I think I figured it out..

You can't be what I want.

I can't be what you want.

I can't expect anything from you.

You expect too much from me.

...we are really bad at this.

We should probably should quit while we are ahead. 

How many times can I break until I shatter?

If I could speak in song...

...this is what I would say to you. 

Say what you want, say what you mean
question yourself, are you really what you seem?
Say what you want, say what you mean
question yoursel, are you really what you dream?

 

I'm so not feeling this right now. 

My give a damn's busted...

Your like a magic 8 ball. 

You never know what your going to get. 

And most of the time, the answers are just total bullshit. 

But everything looks perfect from far away...

I fall for you, you can't catch me.

You fall for me, I can't catch you. 

Were not very good at this game of love. 

I don't understand what your intentions for me are. 

Last night I fell in love without you.

My sister is engaged. 

To a wonderful boy. 

I love Ben, he's incredible and will always take care of my sister. 

I can't help but wonder...is my "Ben" out there? 

At this point where I am at in life, my sister was already dating Ben. 

It's not a competition, were two different people. 

But, I honestly can't help but think that sometimes. 

Where is my Ben? 

He's got to be out there somewhere, right? It's a big world. He's out there. I just know it. 

Life Lessons Learned by Me today.

I would highly recomend NOT: 

1) Riding a bike while still adjusting to the fact your now having sex. 

2) Spending your entire paycheck on shoes, and eating top ramen the following week to make up for it. 

3) Fighting with a 16-year-old girl. They are stubborn and just plain ol' mean.

4) Falling for your hook-up buddy. It's just messy. 

I would highly recomend: 

1) Having a hook-up buddy for those crappy days. 

2) Calling your mother at least every other day. 

3) Putting away 10$ a week for something awesome, like a trip to Orlando.

4) Driving alone, windows down, singing your favorite song on the top of your lungs. 

O joyus day. I'm all smiles. 

Roller Coaster Ride

Your hot then your cold. 

I like you when you do things right, hate you when you do things wrong. 

Your yes then your no.

I want to show you I care, I am I don't want to be clingy. 

Your I am too busy, I'm free.

Your drunk, I am sober. 

Your Mr. Right then Mr. Wrong. 

I am drunk, you are sober. 

Your I need you, I do not want you. 

I am I want to, I am I change my mind. 

This roller coaster we are on is exhausting.  But I don't want to get off<3

Irony.

I do not understand.

Everything happens to me.

No one else. 

It is like I am taking thier shots for them. 

When do I catch a break and everyone else gets crap thrown their way?

Virgin me not so virgin anymore

It's funny. 

I was a virgin for so long.

Everyone knew it. 

EVERYONE.

It never really bothered me. Sometimes it got under my skin, but truely, it didn't bother me.

I was just the virgin of the group. Pretty much the only one left. 

And now I'm not.

Just like that.

It's amazing how 15 minutes can change your life, and how the world sees you.

It's over. =) 

I'm wearing

Really sexy underwear and bra in hopes it might lift my day. 

One of those days...

Ugh.

Gross. 

Yuck. 

(For lack of better words)

I'm having one of those days. One of those days where you feel all down in the dumps and you cannot seem to lift yourself out. 

These kind of days are so pointless. I cannot accomplish anything in a state of mind like this. All I want is cookie dough and some depressing movies. 

Hm. If only I could find the root of the problem, I could figure this out. 

But alas, it is hard to find the root of a problem when there are countless roots that could be pulling me down.

Go figure. 

Fuck.

My.

Life...

Yep. It's like that. 

I don't miss you

I'm free. 

I'm miraculously over you. 

O, happy day. 

I hope you think of me...

...more often than I think of you. 

It's been 4 days since we last talked. It's quite liberating. It is slightly strange, considering we usually talk everyday. But, I'm dealing. Very well actually. 

I'm wanting to leave California. Maybe Orlando? Hawaii?

Anything. Get me out of here. I just want the beach and sunshine. Is that asking too much? 

Ha

I think it's funny.

When the "boy" and I were getting to know each other...he told me of this list of requirements that he had of women in his life. I pretty much had all these requirements..except I don't like sea food. I actually detest it. The "boy" could not let this go and was stuck on this topic for quite some time.

Also, I am pretty deathly allergic to coconut, and he was sad and was like "Where there goes some points...there is nothing like a good macaroon." Um, Fuck you much? If I ate one, I would probably die.

At least my sea food dislike could be changed...I was willing to eat sea food for him...But the whole coconut thing really got to me. Hm, death or a good macaroon? 

When I told my friend about me and the "boy" breaking up..he said, and I remember it clearly, 'Well, at least you don't have to force yourself to ever eat seafood'

Haha. (I can't decide if it is actually funny or not)

Absorbed

For the past few days..I have been completely absorbed by Taylor Swift lyrics..I feel like she writes the soundtrack to my life...

I don't even like country. But her words, they stick with you. 

In a good way. 

Here are a few of my right-now favorites. 

But I miss screaming and fighting and kissing in the rain
And it's 2am and I'm cursing your name
You're so in love that you act insane
And that's the way I loved you
Breakin' down and coming undone
It's a roller coaster kinda rush
And I never knew I could feel that much
And that's the way I loved you

Music starts playin' like the end of a sad movie
It's the kinda ending you don't really wanna see
'Cause it's tragedy and it'll only bring you down
Now I don't know what to be without you around

And we know it's never simple, never easy
Never a clean break, no one here to save me
You're the only thing I know like the back of my hand

Of all the girls tossing rocks at your window
I'll be the one waiting there even when it's cold
Hey Stephen, boy, you might have me believing
I don't always have to be alone

'Cause I can't help it if you look like an angel
Can't help it if I wanna kiss you in the rain so
Come feel this magic I've been feeling since I met you
Can't help it if there's no one else

If you could see that I'm the one who understands you
Been here all along, so why can't you see?
You, you belong with me, you belong with me

Walking the streets with you and your worn-out jeans
I can't help thinking this is how it ought to be
Laughing on a park bench, thinking to myself
Hey, isn't this easy?

And you've got a smile that could light up this whole town
I haven't seen it in a while since she brought you down
You say you're fine, I know you better than that

it's 2am, and i feel like i just lost a friend...

And I can't breathe
Without you, but I have to
Breathe
Without you, but I have to

Yeah. 

It's kind of like that. 

My song to you...

His eyes are like a jungle
He smiles, it's like the radio
He whispers songs into my window
In words nobody knows
There's pretty girls on every corner
That watch him as he's walking home
Saying, does he know
Will you ever know

You're beautiful
Every little piece love, don't you know
You're really gonna be someone, ask anyone
When you find everything you looked for
I hope your life leads you back to my door
Oh but if it don't, stay beautiful

He finds another way to be
The highlight of my day
I'm taking pictures in my mind
So I can save them for a rainy day
It's hard to make conversation
When he's taking my breath away
I should say, hey by the way

If you and I are a story
That never gets told
If what you are is a daydream
I'll never get to hold, at least you'll know

You're beautiful every little piece love,
and don't you know your really gonna be someone ask anyone.
and when you find everything you looked for,
I hope your life leads you back to my front door.

I can't decide...

If you want me or if you don't.

I don't think you can decide either.

Hm, this stinks. 

((You are the single most confusing person I have ever met, but I care for you immensely)

((I'm dreaming of your bed, and the way you make me feel so alive when I feel so dead every time else))

(((Can you do that thing with the biting on the neck right before I come again? That gave me goosebumps)))

I'm unsure

I am unsure...

Which one is better: being wanted or being needed?

Either way, I love them both.

(I also love the way you make me feel when you do things right)

Single-minded till the point of recklessness.

This is me.

Take it or leave it.

I'm not perfect.

I am who I am.

I'm sorry if you don't like it.

Because I do.

hmp.

I know we were together for a month.
A short month.

But, within that month, I gave you part of my heart.
I gave you smiles, and laughter.
I gave you stores, and birthday wishes.
I gave you part of me.

Can I have it back please?
No? Well then, I'll keep acting on the way that I am.
I'm doing the best I can.


O, and by the way, in case you were wondering..you can't have yours back either.

It's a big girl world now

...full of big girl things
And everyday, I wish I was small
I've been counting on nothing
But he keeps giving me his word
And I am tired of hearing myself speak
Do you get weary, do you ever get weak?
How do you dream when you can't fall asleep?

I've been wondering what you're thinking
And if you like my dress tonight?
Would you still say you love me
Under this ordinary moonlight?
I'm so afraid, of what you'll say.

I'd like to know, if you'd be open to starting over from scratch
I'd like to know, if you'd be open to giving me a second chance

I used I was special
And only I have proved me wrong
I thought I could change the world with a song
But I have ended up here
With no map to guide me home
The strangest place I think I've ever been
And all this time, I thought we were friends
My stubborn will is learning to bend

I'd like to know, if you'd be open to starting over from scratch
I'd like to know, if you'd be open to giving me a second chance

It's a big girl world now
Full of big girl things....



And everyday I wish I was small

Hey Jerk...

You can suck it. 

=). 

He misses me

I think I just peed a little.

You dumped me.

You made me cry.

You told me you wanted to see other people.

You told me you just need to "focus on school".

You broke MY heart.

But, you miss me? Is that like code for "I want to get into your pants?" Becasue, in the time that you said that to me, you were already in them. 

Hey douche bag, I hate you. 

I hate you.

I hate you.

In a "I want to have angry sex, make out with you, don't really hate you kind of way"

Fuck you. (very very much)

Here is a poem, customized to how I feel right now.

I hate the way you talk to me
And the way you cut your hair
I hate the way you smile at me
I hate it when you stare

I hate your love of sea food
And the way you read my mind
I hate you so much that it makes me sick
It even makes me ryhme

I hate the way you're always right
I hate it when you lie
I hate it when you make me laugh
Even worse when you make me cry

I hate the way you're not around
And the fact that you didn't call
But mostly I hate the way I don't hate you
Not even close, not even a little bit, not even at all.